Ortin Hjálmarrsson

The most disgusting, vicious little gnome in Faerûn.


Ortin is the eldest son of Hjálmarr Sverðinursson, second eldest child of Sverðinur Stórtyppiðsson, the High King of The Gnomes Beyond Those Really Tall Mountains In The North who usurped the crown from Gnåll Sverðachsson a few years before. His mother was Stórbrjóst Sanngjarnmærssdottir of the Ducal Bjóradon family.

With a minor royal title, many riches and no responsibilities, Ortin spent his early years drinking, chasing tail, and practicing the noble art of Gnome Hooked Hammer fencing. Life was good.

This life of idle pleasant luxury came to an end with the sudden death of King Sverðinur and his two sons while they were out raiding some Halfling settlements. Now Ortin’s father became High King. Ortin was heir and was expected to behave appropriately and be educated in the ways of statecraft and all manner of boring crap.

Prince Ortin declared ‘Bugger this’ and instead left his family seat in the halls Beyond Those Really Tall Mountains in the North and embarked upon a career of raiding, slaving and bell ringing. Using his riches he attracted the greatest Gnomish warriors for miles around to form the core of his elite barbarian horde. The years passed by and they were good. Ortin accumulated great riches and his name was feared all along the Northern wastelands.

Several years later and Ortin’s father, High King Hjálmarr, died during a drunken orgy. The news slowly came around to Ortin and he decided to ride home to assume his royal title and use the vast riches of the Kingdom to outfit a huge army to invade the shit out of everything. But alas, his plans would not come to fruition.

For when Ortin was away his younger Brother, Prince Œrtwealda, had taken his studies more seriously, increased his influence in the royal court and amongst the nobles of the great Kingdom, smeared the good name of Ortin and discredited the glorious Barbarian warrior in the eyes of the Kingdom. And when their father had died, Œrtwealda had maneuvered himself to have his brother disinherited and have himself crowned as High King of The Gnomes Beyond Those Really Tall Mountains In The North.

Ortin, hearing of this betrayal roared with anger and swore upon the sixty-nine Northern Gnomish Gods to kill his brother and execute all the nobles and courtiers who sided with him. A great battle was then fought, and here’s an epic poem about the battle:

Œrtwealda on hearing of invaders many gathered his clans and headed south.
At Cluain Gnomeabh they did assemble and prepared for great slaughter

Flying the banner of the Wardog black the Ortinnaigh host did attack;
Victory promised on that day; Bad Friday 1214.

Gnome fought Gnome fought Gnome fought Gnome as their weapons drank their fill.
The tide was turning against Œrtwealda ‘till Duke Reiðgaurinn arrived with forces new.

D’eitilt an Mórrigán trasna Cluain Gnomeabh,
the warriors of Ortin turned and fled.
The Œrtwealdamhe forces led great slaughter.
Ortin’s host took to their wardogs, the plains turned red.

Ðrodar came from Dran, seeking Œrtwealda’s wife.
Ðrodar fled the battle, taking Œrtwealda’s life.
He fought a bloody fight, at the edge of Gnomehead’s wood,
cutting the High King down in his tent;
Œrtwealda’s Gnomeguard then slew Ðrodar too.

Many men went to Gnomehalla, still more to Gnomen’s Cave.
Though the power of the Sverðinursson family was broken on that day.
Die die the Dukes of Reiðgaurun, Bjóradon and Dran,
so too did die Œrtwealda and the sons of Sverðinurs’s clan.

The Kingship of Gnoméru did revert to the High King of old.
Gnåll Sverðachsso returned to Skíta to reclaim it’s hall as his own.

After that fight, which was in no way inspired by the Battle of Clontarf or the song Cluain Tarb by the Irish Celtic Doom Metal band Mael Mordha, Ortwin fled south with half a dozen other survivors. They spent the remaining years trying to raise support amongst the outlying minor Gnomish clans and trying to raise enough gold via half hearted raiding and slaving to assemble a new host to retake the High Kingship. But this would not come to pass. As the years went by their numbers dwindled until Ortin was left on his own, with no gold. He had no friends left in the north so he moved into the hated Southlands. There he would find glory and gold and there he would raise a great army and retake what was rightfully his.


Ortin Hjálmarrsson

Fall of the Earth Mother Megadyptes